Post Traumatic Growth

We’re always, almost dead. Last year, I was visiting my brother in Colombia, when my intestines decided to twist themselves around the scar tissue from my appendectomy (from 13 years ago) and die inside me. There was nothing I could do to prevent it, there is currently nothing I can to prevent it from happening again. It was an absolutely lovely and normal day that turned into 18 hours of animal instincts, blinding pain, and fear for my life turned wishing for death. After sixteen of thrashing around with IVs in both arms, throwing up every 45 minutes, and still no answers on why I felt like someone was blowing up a metal studded balloon in my stomach, I was ready to let go. I was proud of how I’d fought thus far, and the idea of death was welcome. I could slip into the afterlife, and the pain would slip away too. But I didn’t slip away. The pain did dissipate all at once. And looking back, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Post-traumatic growth is when you feel happier after a traumatic experience. Your priorities shift, you unleash your best qualities, take advantage of everyday and live a fuller life. Which feels very relevant to 2020. The uncertainty and chaos that surrounds us everyday is traumatizing. We are losing loved ones, worrying about money, missing friends, dealing with kids and work at the same time, and trying to stay safe. But sometimes trauma is a blessing. It shocks us into gratitude. I went from rock climbing daily to not being able to walk overnight. I went from constant laughter, to not laughing for weeks. I went from insatiably hungry, to a fear of food. I felt absolutely hopeless. But now, all I have is hope. We choose what we take from our experiences, and since it seems pretty likely that 2020 is going to continue to serve up traumatic experiences, I encourage you to find the silver lining and let it shake you to your core. Find hope, and let it guide you. Turn the trauma into urgent optimism. I mean, you’re always, almost dead anyway.